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Doom
— Inevitable destruction or ruin.
doom (n.) Fate, especially a tragic or ruinous one.
doom (v.) To condemn to ruination or death.
"Doom, its what's for dinner"
Origins of Doom
Born in Israel, Doom is the bastard child of humanity and the only thing that the Israelis and Palestinians both believe in. Date of birth is unknown due to a temporal paradox, Doom is situated sometime in the near future (aka. Doomsday). Growing up on the rough streets of Singapore, Doom is always one step ahead of us. Humans living in the timestream of this wiki are only aware of Doom through popularized occult worship riding on Doom's coattails. Surfing thru Doom's wake, they learned of previous Doom worship successfully thrusting it forward beyond time's horizon and all known reach, thereby solidifying Doom's perpetual role for future occult generations. If this wiki has served as Doom's event horizon... then enjoy my big blackhole.
Politics of Doom
Doom loves elections, and elections love Doom. It is said that the candidate which brings the people Doom is the candidate which lives to see another Doomsday. Leading the world in Doom election contributions internationally is the United States of America. Their current candidates for spreading Doom are Al Gore running under the Global Warming Doom platform and George W. Bush running for a third-term dictatorship under the Muslims-Are-Out-To-Get-Us Doom platform. In a previous match, Gore won the popular vote and Bush told you to go fuck yourself. Alas, Doom prevails...
Doom 2012
Caught that special someone looking at you out of the corner of your eye? Sneaking peaks at each other during your lunch hour? Wonder if they feel the same way about you as you do about them? Don't despair (or maybe you should), Doom is interested in you too! And on December 21, 2012 you two have a planned date. Dress casual but don't wear white because you may shit yourself. Doom is very outgoing and spontaneous so be there, on time and ready for anything.Don't forget to bring protection (e.g. gas masks, six-month supply of food, duct tape, etc.). *wink-wink*
Doom 2000
Doom love's a good joke and what a joke Doom 2000 turned out to be, some of humanity were in on the joke and used Doom 2000 as marketing ploy to sell large amounts of now pointless literature about Doom 2000 and incedently made a fortune doing so. For those of you who got suckered in by Doom's dark sense of humour on Doom 2000 and spent your life saving's getting to that Himalayan mountain top to await the spaceship to take you to Alpha Centauri ,Doom has only one thing to say to you: HAW HAW(alla Nelson Muntz). Now written off as an error in translation of various Scriptures, Doom has been rescheduled for 2012. For all of those who missed out on Doom 2000, heres your chance to join that suicide cult or even write that book on Doom you've allways talked about, see you all at Doom 2012!
Doom FAQ's
Q: Am i really Doomed?A: Indeed you are. Doom is the perverbial gum in your hair. Its there even if you don't realize it and a friend has to point it out to you... Well, this wiki is that friend and that gum is Doom! Guess what, you can't cut it out with scissors either, smartass. The only viable solution at this point is to run around the room ripping your hair out screaming "Doom! Its hair, its hair!" while slowly bleeding to death.
Q: Can i do something to stop Doom?
A: There have been claims that duct tape helps but noone knows for sure—Doom leaves no survivors. But let's answer this question, Can Doom be stopped? Not if Doom has anything to say about it and apparently it does. Ever heard the saying, "You're doomed if you do and doomed if you don't". Well, that is Doom's little way of letting you know that its coming for you. By you it means the person reading this wiki— sort of like that movie the Ring only scarier.
Doom Offers Outpatient Management and the following should recount that. There is no known antidote for Doom and thats good for you because your health insurance probably doesn't cover it—therefore we try to emphasize treatment. The use and abuse of antidepressants is widely accepted and common allopathic treatment. In terms of natural or homeopathic practice various treatments have been put forth such as Doom Simulation Therapy(DST). The simulation of impending Doom can manifest seemingly antiDoom effects such as joy, happiness, and hope for tomorrow(e.g. hope that Doom comes tomorrow). In case studies, DST seems to sooth Doom anxiety with other notable side effects. In application, DST refers to an umbrella of treatments including video games, television, film, newspapers, websites, IRC and even sessions with other Doomed patients.
Q: Should I be afraid of Doom?
A: In short, yes. If sacred scriptures and calendars do not convince you then you are probably an infidel. Incidentally, all infidels and nonbelievers are Doomed. However, if you at some later point come to realize the err of your ways and accept the holy and good teachings of Doom you will be accepted into the kingdom of Doom, thereby Doomed for eternity in that divine concrete bunker in the sky(it has a much better view than the concrete bunker in the ground). In the kingdom of Doom, no one is surprised when you shit your pants... much rather it is revered as an expression of the divine(often referred to as the Mud of Sages).
Q: I think my sister is Doomed, should I tell her?
A: Yes.
Doomsday Clock
Records the countdown of DOOM. Midnight signifies doom, and the steady aproach of the hour and secound hand shows that doom is approaching. As of this moment we are five miniutes from doom.
"The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists’ Doomsday Clock conveys how close humanity is to catastrophic destruction—the figurative midnight—and monitors the means humankind could use to obliterate itself. First and foremost, these include nuclear weapons, but they also encompass climate-changing technologies and new developments in the life sciences and nanotechnology that could inflict irrevocable harm."
Doom Examples
Doom swarms
Doom nests
Doom larvae
Doom bug
Doom army
Doom the musical
Doom above
Doom below
Doom in print
Doom in film
Doom in a bottle
Doom in the hole
Doom on a stick
Doom on vacation
Doom the Game
Doom the doctor
Doom by the acre
Doom go round
Doom exercises
Doom for Dummies
Doom for Genius
Doom Incorporated
Doom Finances
Doom's hand up your ass
Department of Doom
Harbinger of Doom
Conversations with Doom
Deoxy Doom
Goat Of Doom
Kiddie Doom
Doom on your Ipod
Doom on your mousepad
The Map of Doom...
Doom on a roll
The Sound of Doom
"Death is an icy kiss from teh woudned depths of my tearfull soul as it cries into the wind of pain weaving its way apatheticcally past me chilling me to my very bones in cruel rigor mortis, forever binding me in the shallow grave of my doom"
-poems from the darkside by vaderBS-