Doom
— Inevitable destruction or ruin. "Doom, its what's for dinner" | |
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Origins of DoomSome time at the end of the 21st century, man was united. We marveled at our own magnificence as we gave birth to Doom. As the bastard child of humanity Doom was the only thing that both the Israelis and Palestinians believed in. While it is known that humanity gave birth to Doom, Doom travelled back in time to meet the dinosaurs and several human civilizations since; ultimately, paving the way for humanity as we know it. Like any problem child, Doom doesn't visit his parents enough. It doesn't matter how many times we call, how many messages we leave expressing concern for his well-being... Doom just won't return our calls but continually promises to visit(probably with a huge load of laundry...). All that we know of Doom's whereabouts is that Doom resides in our near future and is bunking with a few mates from college somewhere in a european hostel. Doom is really a nice boy and all we wish for him is to be happy. He has a big heart and once he lets you in he'll never let you go.—If this wiki has allowed you to enter Doom's event horizon... then enjoy my big blackhole.
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Politics of DoomDoom loves elections, and elections love Doom. You could say that Doom is at the very heart of politics; it is why people run, it is what they run for or from, it is what people vote for or against, alas Doom is the only real political platform and ultimately the only thing that will get people to walk into a voting booth. It is said that the candidate which brings the people Doom is the candidate which lives to see another Doomsday. Leading the world in Doom election contributions internationally is the United States of America. Their current candidates for spreading Doom are John McCain? running on the Doom-in-yer-face-for-100years-or-more platform, Hillary Clinton running on the If-I-don't-win-I'll-cry-Doom platform, Barack Obama running on the I-HAVE-A-DOOM platform and Ron Paul who apparently doesn't seem to understand the need for Doom in politics at all(i.e. no one who knows anything about politics or Doom are gonna vote for him.). And so, Doom prevails...
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Doom 2012Caught that special someone looking at you out of the corner of your eye? Sneaking peaks at each other during your lunch hour? Wonder if they feel the same way about you as you do about them? Don't despair (or maybe you should), Doom is interested in you too! And on December 21, 2012 you two have a planned date. Dress casual but don't wear white because you may shit yourself. Doom is very outgoing and spontaneous so be there, on time and ready for anything. Looking for something to spark the conversation? Doom has always been interested in a wide variety of topics like artificial intelligence, oil depletion, nuclear proliferation or if you're really up against the wall you could always talk about the weather.Don't forget to bring protection (e.g. gas masks, six-month supply of food, duct tape, etc.). *wink-wink* |  |
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Doom FAQ'sQ: Am i really Doomed?A: Indeed you are. Doom is the perverbial gum in your hair. Its there even if you don't realize it and a friend has to point it out to you... Well, this wiki is that friend and that gum is Doom! Guess what, you can't cut it out with scissors either, smartass. The only viable solution at this point is to run around the room ripping your hair out screaming "Doom! Its hair, its hair!" while slowly bleeding to death.
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Q: Can i do something to stop Doom?
A: There have been claims that duct tape helps but noone knows for sure—Doom leaves no survivors. But let's answer this question, Can Doom be stopped? Not if Doom has anything to say about it and apparently it does. Ever heard the saying, "You're doomed if you do and doomed if you don't". Well, that is Doom's little way of letting you know that its coming for you. By you it means the person reading this wiki— sort of like that movie the Ring only scarier. Doom Offers Outpatient Management and the following should recount that. There is no known antidote for Doom and thats good for you because your health insurance probably doesn't cover it—therefore we try to emphasize treatment. The use and abuse of antidepressants is widely accepted and common allopathic treatment. In terms of natural or homeopathic practice various treatments have been put forth such as Doom Simulation Therapy(DST). The simulation of impending Doom can manifest seemingly antiDoom effects such as joy, happiness, and hope for tomorrow(e.g. hope that Doom comes tomorrow). In case studies, DST seems to sooth Doom anxiety with other notable side effects. In application, DST refers to an umbrella of treatments including video games, television, film, newspapers, websites, IRC and even sessions with other Doomed patients. Q: Should I be afraid of Doom? A: In short, yes. If sacred scriptures and calendars do not convince you then you are probably an infidel. Incidentally, all infidels and nonbelievers are Doomed. However, if you at some later point come to realize the err of your ways and accept the holy and good teachings of Doom you will be accepted into the kingdom of Doom, thereby Doomed for eternity in that divine concrete bunker in the sky(it has a much better view than the concrete bunker in the ground). In the kingdom of Doom, no one is surprised when you shit your pants... much rather it is revered as an expression of the divine(often referred to as the Mud of Sages). Q: I think my sister is Doomed, should I tell her? A: Yes. | |
Doomsday Clock
Records the countdown of DOOM. Midnight signifies doom, and the steady aproach of the hour and secound hand shows that doom is approaching. As of this moment we are five miniutes from doom.
"The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists’ Doomsday Clock conveys how close humanity is to catastrophic destruction—the figurative midnight—and monitors the means humankind could use to obliterate itself. First and foremost, these include nuclear weapons, but they also encompass climate-changing technologies and new developments in the life sciences and nanotechnology that could inflict irrevocable harm."
Examples of Doom
